Angela · Uncategorized

A Valentine No One Wants

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I lay in bed this morning, praying that maybe, just for this one day, I can get out of bed without the dizziness. My eyes stare at the ceiling, dreading the moment when everything hits me. Eventually, I gather the courage to pull myself to sit upright only to be assaulted by every symptom. I fight to hold myself up, vision blurry, head pounding.

And then I see it. Through the haze of my sight, I can make out bright pink and red balloons sitting at the foot of my bed. I groan… Couldn’t my body be nice for one day so I can do fun romantic things with my husband? They’ve been so bad these last few weeks that I didn’t even get him anything..

I prop myself against the headboard, unable to do anything but stare at this blatant exhibition of his unconditional love. I pull my knees to my chest and try to keep my emotions in check. I know if I start to cry, my breathing will go, and then I’ll be slumped over and feeling worse.

After a few minutes, I’m able to bring myself to the edge of the bed and slowly stand. I ignore the rush to my head and walk over, smiling softly to myself. As I approach, the balloons pop, and I jerk awake. I look around my empty room and heave a sigh.

We can’t even escape our reality in our dreams. We deal with this pain every day.

Now, Valentine’s Day is one of those “required” days that makes every guy groan. Society has dictated that they have to spend loads of money proving to their girl that they love them. And many guys have fallen into the feeling that their girl will leave them if they don’t. Those who leave are only in it for what they get out of it. Something spontaneous means so much more than a façade on a day that everyone is doing corny things.

That being said, when those “just because” things become non-existent, you pray for a little bit of a show on these days. When someone has a chronic illness, every extra goes to needed things: medical bills, equipment, etc..  Those not chronically ill cannot understand the joy one gets when your husband comes home with a package of your favorite water bottles. These small things become a treat when money is so tight. Though, we still see all these “extreme” shows of love. And sometimes all we need is a single flower, a 50 cent card, and a bar of chocolate to feel like we mean as much to you still as the other girls who need giant teddies and a bed full of rose petals.

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